Heartbeat

This time when I look at you you're far away, the farthest you've ever been from me.
off somewhere in your little part of the world,
behind hills and winding roads,
behind the sea,
and a volcano rumbling deep in the background.
This time I look into your eyes and see only pain,
glistening like glass,
your heart beating,
softly begging
for some kind of answer.
but all i hear is silence
from heaven
and emptiness
echoing
where there should be life.





09.18.11

I Know Why Jackson Pollock Drank

Tell me
what kind of cleaning products
are most efficient
at eliminating those fucking stains
festering in the bathroom -
Jackson Pollack style
chaos
that can be wiped clean
with dirty rags
and my continuously
deteriorating affection.
You make a masterpiece out of me
whenever you sleep
entwined in lust drenched covers
as I shiver in anxiety
from the possibility
of being too familiar
with the contours of your bed.

Don't forget to clean the goddamn sink.


full title: I Know Why Jackson Pollock Drank - It was because of moments like this.
3.30.07

Faith

I know you saw the shadows
in my eyes
that were so unlike
the characteristic
golden smiles of pride
radiating from your bloodline.
I wish I took the time to ask you
how you faced the world
when every day could have been your last
how you kept your head up
when you left the love of your life
for months at a time
while explosions greeted you
in your front yard.
I wish I asked you
how you walked tall
and wrote love letters
without falling apart
and how you found a way
to always return home
where twelve blessings were waiting for you.
Sometimes I wake up
and I wonder
which part of you lives in me
and if I'll ever find a way
to express it as beautifully as you.
I'm afraid
that I'll never have your strength
and I will always be
running
toward a love I'll never have.
I never really said
goodbye
when you left this world in peace
But if you're above and watching
I want to tell you
that even though I never asked you,
I know you always had faith in me
and for that I thank you
Thank you for my life
I won't give up on it.


3.18.07

Trust me.

judging by the way you look at me
I assume there would be daggers in her eyes
if she could feel the heat
we were swimming in together.
like a never ending highway
the lights flickered across your face
leaving your body in shadow
(sometimes the darkest places are the warmest.)
opportunity
     lit this fire
          and you
               made me an arsonist.
You have the talent of making me realize
I'm not better than this
but I'm so damn good
at playing with your darkness.
Your scent is a sin
so how can I not breathe you in
when you taste as good as you feel
all this seat needs to do
is fall back
so your warmth melts into mine
and I can judge
the sincerity in your hands
when we play.


11.11.06

Hollywood

that squeaking is the sound of my hand
wiping the steam from the bathroom mirror
leaving a crude picture frame
with the photo of a girl
deep brown eyes
glinting something dangerous.
     i thought of you in the shower
as you invaded my mind
like vile nightmares often do
an image of you
grinning at me
in navy blue boxer-briefs
hollywood dripping from your eyes
toxic lies
pushing against your teeth
squeak...
     squeak...
          squeak.
broken picture frame
just cold glass.
the fog has risen
since i've been force-fed the lesson
that nothing gets easier
except forgetting your face.
     now my one last thought
is to run my tongue
up your throat
before i slice it open
one clean incision
to shut your deceiving mouth.
gurgle blood
and think of the day i let you touch me.
that's it baby
look at me
as i hurt you.


8.9.06

Plastic

Dear Rachel,

I know why you are unhappy:

     you will be fake forever.

you can dye your hair lime green, hot pink, and electric yellow
and people will ask your sister where she bought her shoes.

you can slosh down your dinner with vodka and clozapine
and your roomate will ask if you want more pot roast.

you can fuck the mailman
and your dad will ask if his Time magazine has arrived yet.

you can graffiti grandma's house
and she will ask when you learned how to paint like monet.

so just sit there.
let the awful times roll.
they come in pretty colors.

the plastic will melt
once you forgive yourself
for being just like everyone else.

so keep singing those sad songs about what's his name
wondering if he still touches himself when he looks at your picture.

you're naked in it
and his friends probably ask if it's art.


7.14.06

I'm glad you came

the giant glass window frames you
perfectly perched on that minature platform
I peep inside
a chilly breeze slices my skin
but tonight my jacket dangles from my hand,
obsolete
     i adjust my tube top.
i tap on the glass and wiggle my fingers
in a sexy (awkward) wave
hoping my dimples don't betray my eagerness
your eyes light up in acknowledgement
as you notice me standing out here
a marionette dancing in the cold
     a flock of girls hurries in front of me
before i can step through the door
and your reaction toward their arrival
drains the color from the welcome you gave me
my mood turns greener than your shirt.


7.8.06

Street Lights

Unexpected moments
Of light and sound
Make a heaven to my eyes
As I watch you
Colliding into me.
Your hands are dancing
Vibrations in your voice
Caress the air
Make love to the strings
and soothe your mind
Like a prayer only you can hear.

Skip through my soul
Like a pebble meeting a stream
Ripple into infinity
Like the softness of your touch
And the warmth in your skin.
Under the city street lights
For a second, we can stop time
If you brush your lips against mine
And look into my eyes
I will put you at ease
Like the beauty of a waterfall
I will breathe in your life.


5.6.06

You Don't Know the Whole Story

The night before last
I shook your hand.
as the introductions were made
your name didn't ring a bell
then tonight I see you again
at his performance
you get to meet his parents
           a trophy,
holding an iced coffee
your long blonde hair
falling down your back
touching your shiny belt.
his hand on your ass
his arm around your waist
you never knew
     that last friday
     I saw him naked.


6.22.06

Monster

Such is the crumbling foundation of a man
The tripping over his own feet
to stand on a street corner in the rain
just to catch a glimpse of the woman
with whom he is falling for.
Restlessly anticipating when he gets that kiss
under those dazzling lights in the sky
after a night of intimate conversation
he never thought possible.
Waking up every morning feeling the glow
of the sun that shies away in comparison
to the beam on his face.

Then arrives the day
the woman turns him into a monster.
An undeniable fact surfaces:
What she needs he doesn’t have.
It seems sudden to him
but has been lasting a lifetime for her
And although every day is a struggle to provide
He will never have it in time.
Timing is everything.
Or simply,
His love is not good enough.
And the crimson roses he leaves for her
wilt into dead black masses
dried and useless
like the thing that continues to thump
dejectedly in his chest.
The ring of the telephone
makes the last connection in his head melt away
for the pain is so intense
that even the slightest mention of her name
the quietest whisper of her voice
makes the trigger look that much easier to pull.

Then one evening
Alone with a bottle of liquid something in his hands
this withering mess of misery
realizes the cure to conquering
the deep crater of depression.

After that night, a new man emerges ready
to embrace the life that welcomes his rebirth
with his pants prepared to be unzipped
and his charm taking the place
of what used to be a genuine smile.
Leisure time is now defined by
having a different woman in his bed every evening
and each time he releases
his mind feels so relaxed with the knowledge
that when she leaves the next morning
his heart won’t hurt.

But this monster,
He doesn’t notice
that even though the numbers are rising
so are the risks
of creating monsters of his own
with those already so emotionally unstable
they jump in the bed before he asks
and take off their bras for him just to get it over with.
But he asks no questions.
Just puts his hands behind his head as she goes down
closes his eyes
and experiences the only way
to ever feel something
that means absolutely nothing.


full title: Monster, a.k.a How to Make a Player
6.14.06